


Real or not real?

by SenpaiMarshmallow



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, I need a Terasaka, Itona is kind of falling apart, Itona needs a hug, M/M, Nightmares, Supportive Terasaka, Terasaka gives a hug, Terasaka is nice, Terasaka is there, fluff fluff angst, i love these two, or possibly fluff angst angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 06:32:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15261486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SenpaiMarshmallow/pseuds/SenpaiMarshmallow
Summary: Itona has nightmares. Terasaka is there.Yep, I stole the title from the Hunger Games.





	Real or not real?

Itona catches the pillow flying towards his face and hurls it back. It thumps Terasaka across the nose, and the bigger boy squeaks a muffled protest and topples backwards. Itona laughs - that’s still not a familiar feeling - but then Terasaka hooks a foot around his ankle and he’s sprawling on the carpet too, face inches from his boyfriend’s.  
On impulse, he wiggles forward and presses a kiss to Terasaka’s cheek. The other boy makes a pleased noise and runs a hand through Itona’s hair. The pillow fight is forgotten.  
A feather drifts down and lands on Terasaka’s nose. Itona brushes it off, and in doing so catches sight of the clock. It’s late.  
But he doesn’t want to sleep.  
Terasaka yawns. “Let’s get t’bed,” he mumbles, voice slurred with tiredness. It’s pretty adorable. Itona kisses him one last time.  
“M’kay.”  
Terasaka clambers into bed, looking down as Itona curls up on his floor mattress. “Sure you don’t want to share?”  
Itona grins, hoping it looks convincing. He doesn’t want to ruin this. “Better not. I kick in my sleep.”  
And punch. And scream, sometimes.  
“Okay.” Terasaka flicks the light switch, and the room dims. “Night.”  
“Night.”  
Soon, Terasaka’s soft breathing is the only sound in the room.  
Itona tries to fight it, but he falls asleep soon after.

Sometimes, Itona thinks he’d give anything for a night of peaceful rest. Anything.  
But that’s not going to happen.  
So he divides his dreams instead, sorting them and filing them away in his mind. Somehow, that makes them a little more bearable.  
First, the memories. Things that have already happened, that he’s made it through. They shouldn’t frighten him, because he knows he can survive. He already has. **Real.**  
Then, the nightmares. Things that never happened and never will, because all that’s over now. They shouldn’t hurt him, because they’re only dreams. They don’t exist. **Not real.**  
But they still frighten him, and they still _hurt._  
_**Real or not real?** _

_He’s standing in an all-white room: white walls, white tiles, white fabric in the clothes of the man - the White Magician - in front of him...even the knife in Shiro’s hand is painted matte white._  
**_Real._**  
_And then the knife comes up, and the pain skitters along his ribcage, and nothing’s white anymore, it’s red, because Shiro’s cutting him, opening shallow gashes along his chest and arms, and it **hurts** but he won’t move he’s not allowed to move and it’ll only be worse if he does…_  
_**Real.**_  
_Shiro’s eyes are burning behind the visor, glowing red as the blood - Itona’s blood - that covers everything, and the mask seems to grin as he raises the knife one last time and buries it in Itona’s throat and everything turns scarlet and black and all the pain finally **stops** and damn if he doesn’t almost welcome it._

He shoots awake, gasping and staring at the unfamiliar ceiling, letting his heart rate slow to something a little closer to normal. Not real. Not real.  
Across the room, Terasaka mutters something and turns over in his sleep. Itona freezes - has he woken him? - but the other boy’s breathing hasn’t changed. He’s still asleep.  
Itona curls himself into a protective ball - habit - and shuts his eyes.  
It takes him a long time to fall back to sleep.

_It’s dark and his head hurts, the terrible searing pain he’s only ever felt when he’s gone nuclear._  
**_Real._**  
_He tries to step forward, but his foot catches in something and when he looks down it’s black fabric, a teaching gown, and he looks down further and it’s the octopus, he’s killed his teacher, but it’s wrong now because his tentacles are out and he doesn’t have tentacles anymore, does he?_  
**_Not real._**  
_But something else is strange, because it’s not just his head that hurts, and he’s covered in blood from cuts along his arms but the octopus doesn’t use a knife so who cut him? and he looks around and there are bodies, so many bodies, and he knows, just **knows** he’s killed them all, **notreal** , and now he recognises them, Okuda and Maehara and Hazama, and he doesn’t want to but he turns anyway and **ohgod** there’s Terasaka, **ohgod** , just another bloodied body, **ohgodwhathasheDONE** , and he drops to his knees **notrealnotrealNOTREAL!**_

He’s being shaken, hard, dragged out of the clutches of his dream. Someone’s saying his name, soft and urgent - “Itona! Wake up!”  
His throat hurts, and his face feels damp. Has he been crying?  
He opens his eyes.  
Terasaka is crouched over him, his face creased in worry. Itona looks up.  
“What’s wrong?” he manages, trying to fake normality.  
“What’s wrong? Itona, you were screaming. What happened?”  
Itona shakes his head. “Nothing. Just a dream.”  
“That wasn’t nothing,” says Terasaka. He wraps an arm around the smaller boy’s shoulders, and Itona leans into the contact, thankful for the stability. “What was it about?”  
Itona opens his mouth to say something...and Terasaka’s face, bloody and blank-eyed, flashes across his mind...and he finds himself crying instead.  
He feels Terasaka’s other arm go round his body and buries his face in his boyfriend’s broad chest, sobbing until he feels he’ll shake apart. Terasaka holds him tightly, and that’s all Itona needs right now - just to be _held._  
He doesn’t know how long they stay like that, but eventually he looks up, all his tears finally spent, to find Terasaka looking down at him with such care he nearly starts to cry again. Terasaka says nothing, only stands and guides Itona to hs bed against the wall. Itona follows, stumbling and exhausted, not quite there, and Terasaka lifts him into bed and tucks the blankets around him before slipping in himself. He puts his arms around Itona and holds him close, and Itona feels himself start to finally relax.  
“I’m here for you, you know,” whispers Terasaka, just on the edge of hearing. “Always.”

Eventually, wrapped in the warm embrace of his boyfriend’s arms, Itona falls asleep. He isn’t so frightened now.

_He’s falling, tumbling into a cold darkness that saps the strength from his body until he can’t move, or speak, or scream, or even breathe._  
_**Not real.**_  
_Voices echo past him in the blackness._  
_You’re weak._  
_You’re worthless._  
_No one cares about you._  
_You’re nothing._  
_**Not real.**_  
_But there’s something else, as well - a glow, a warmth, a hand catching his and leading him back towards the light. And a new voice._  
_“I’m here for you, you know. Always.”_  
_**Real.**_


End file.
